Oh my god, can't believe how quickly time is flying now and excitement is, worringly, giving way to fear...Thoughts like, 'What the hell am I doing?' and 'Do I really want to do this?' are becoming increasingly frequent but, as with most things, it's all to do with perspective- I guess?

At the moment, life's great. My job's easy, I'm going out loads and any financial commitments are taken care of...Everything just feels so positive, but of course I'm only here because of my placement in Rwanda and I need to remember that. No doubt if this was the rest of my life forever, I'd soon tire of it and so, like the Littlest Hobo, 'until tomorrow I'll just keep on moving on...'

On the personal front though things have been pretty intense lately, causing me to question lots of things, as you do. The situation that's occured (which I really can't talk about-sorry I know how annoying that is) has probably really only happened because of where I am at the moment- ie 'Limbosville'. Not wanting to start anything I can't finish so to speak means I've been enjoying things but didn't want anything long term, blah balh. So, for the past year, I've not really taken relationships seriously and have been having a ball but of course, as life dictates, just when I thought I could handle (read control) everything, I feel like I've fallen for someone I really shouldn't have. Things started bubbling about 6 months ago, but were, necessarily, secret and god so exciting. Anyway, I'm going away with him next week and I'm worried about how excited I am...It just feels amazing!

The thing is, being incredibly pragmatic (read cynical), I'm also really aware that I might just be thinking all this as I'm going away but how can I gain an objective view on it? I can't...And so I guess, I'm just going to have to take every day as it comes. His situation too is not one conducive to an open relationship either and so I guess we're both enjoying the time we've got for however long that might be...

My god, get me to Rwanda quickly, living here is getting complicated!